I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
