maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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