Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
