What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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