Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
