Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Hippo gnu deer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
