Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So much rum. So many feels.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
