Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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