do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
