Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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