the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
