i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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