dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize