My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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