I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
