i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
