if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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