When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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