Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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