After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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