so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
