If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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