i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
