i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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