sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
