My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
