then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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