I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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