You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
