My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
