we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You made out with two different species that night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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