They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
