you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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