Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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