If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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