U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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