nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
