I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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