Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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