Moan for me like Helen Keller
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She bit a glass in half.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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