You're my little dorito
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
