I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
