i think my mom watched the whole time
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
