If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
