I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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