Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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