I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize