Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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