The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
