Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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