Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
