I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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