The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
