More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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