I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He did a backflip because drugs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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