Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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