it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
