Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
