This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
