Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
