He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
