There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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