When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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