I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
