I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
