We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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