UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize