y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
