I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
