He disabled his match.com account in front of me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
