guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
