I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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