Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
